


just keep looking

by kontent



Series: June 2019 [16]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Established Relationship, F/M, M/M, Multi, Near Death Experiences, Polyamory, Secret Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-26
Updated: 2019-06-26
Packaged: 2020-05-20 10:55:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 895
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19375282
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kontent/pseuds/kontent
Summary: Deep down, they all know there is no chance Steve Rogers could have survived a plane crash. But they don’t say that when Howard tells them to keep looking. They keep going, searching everywhere for a sign Steve Rogers might have survived - because they hope the man dreaming of flying cars can make some miracle happen.





	just keep looking

Nobody dares to say it. Nobody wants to say it. Deep down, they all know there is no chance Steve Rogers could have survived a plane crash. But they don’t say that when Howard tells them to keep looking. They keep going, searching everywhere for a sign Steve Rogers might have survived - because they hope the man dreaming of flying cars can make some miracle happen. Howard isn’t sure they are placing hope in the right man, but Peggy looks at him like he’s an idiot for even thinking that. (She can’t be there with him - they won’t let her.)  


It takes a week before Howard is told that he has to stop. It takes four hours of screaming on a telephone until Howard is being told that he can keep looking, but they’ll have to pull half his men. He doesn’t particularly care. And if he cries that night, holding that stupid picture of Steve close - then there’s no-one to tell the story but the lonely stars blinking in the sky.

The men are pulled off, and it slows them down. It slows them down so much, and Howard knows that every hour they don’t find him lessens the chance of a miracle. Even for someone like Steve Rogers. He’s getting increasingly frustrated - because he’s heartbroken, and when he gets another call, he doesn’t even fight it. He says ‘yes, sir’ because what else can he say? 

He gets spectacularly drunk that night. So drunk, in fact, that he doesn’t wake up until the afternoon of the next day, and then only because there’s a mob of angry men on his boat. 

The Howling Commando is mad. They lost their captain, and now their minds. That’s the only explanation Howard can think off because what else would make men come to find a dead man and bring him home?

It’s loyalty, he realizes once he’s sober. Loyalty to Steve Rogers - because he saved them when they were dead, when they had prayed their last prayers and hoped they would die quickly. Loyalty to the man Howard loves. 

He chokes a little on that thought, simply because he cannot think that, he cannot feel that. He is not allowed to. But he feels the way he does, and lately, he finds himself caring less and less about any consequences that might come of it.

The men leave, and the Howling Commando stays, even when General Phillips calls for them specifically. They tell him what they told Howard - that they owe this to Steve. And the General really can’t argue with that one.

 

It takes them another week to find the wrack. It’s been twenty-five days since Steve crashed this plane into the ocean, and Howard doesn’t know what he expects to find. He doesn’t know if finding a body would be the worst or best case scenario. 

None of them bothers to pretend they care about anything on that wrack besides Steve. The Howling Commando starts digging through the rubble immediately, tearing the wrack apart for anything. 

Howard goes with them - he’s not a soldier, he’s a scrawny scientist who has no experience with anything like this, but he can lead them through this wrack. After all, he has had the blueprints memorized seventeen days ago. 

So he finds himself leading them through a plane wrack, looking for a man they think is most likely dead. And they find him - his body cold and blue and covered in ice. And Howard just - stops. He isn’t sure his heart is still beating, but it must be because the thunder of it is ringing in his ears. But the men of the Howling Commando do not hesitate. They dig their Captain out of rumble and ice, and when they carry him back, gentle with his frozen limbs, Howard stumbles to follow them.

They carry the body- the man-  _ Steve _ back to the ship and try to bring every source of heat they have into one room. The call to Peggy is short and hopeful and painful - and for a second, he wonders what they’ll do if the ice melts and Steve just… stays like this. Motionless. Cold to the touch.  _ Dead _ . 

The blankets around him are a little damp, the water melting on his skin seeping into them. They don’t know if they should change them. The Howling Commando’s men are all there, assembled around their captain, waiting for him to wake. Howard isn’t sure they know what wondrous thing they have achieved already. He does know that, if Steve doesn’t wake up, it will have been for nothing.

One after another, the men go to sleep. They don’t want to, Howard can see that - but he promises to wake them the second something happens. He stays. He sits and looks at the frozen man on the table, hoping, praying he will wake up. Howard does not believe in any gods, but when a shudder wrecks the pile of blankets, he is almost ready to believe in one.

He clings to a hand, he feels the faint heartbeat under his skin - and then eyelids flutter open and Howard is staring at the sky. The blue of Steve’s eyes is nothing like the ice surrounding them - it’s warm and soft, and he looks confused.

Howard thinks Steve has never been as beautiful as he is at that moment.


End file.
